The other day my husband looked at me and said something to the effect of ‘I have the next crazy knitting project for you. In fact, you could even do it at the same time as the Epic Blanket of Insanity”. For all of you who have been, or currently are in, a long time committed relationship with a spouse with whom you share space, you know why the hairs on the back of my neck stood straight up……..only one of you should be certifiable at a time and when it comes to the skeins
and skeins and skeins of yarn in this flat, I have a fairly solid hold on the title of certifiable. I make no attempts to hide the fact that I: a) have an addiction, b) am slightly OCD about knitting, c) that I completely overestimate my knitting abilities and have vast and wonderful delusions of what I can accomplish at any given time and d) I am at times very irrational when it comes to my knitting (Refer back to points a,b, & c for clarification). I did have enough time to think, before he finished his thought, “there is no way you can come up with something crazier than the stuff I come up with every day. In fact some of it is so crazy that I don’t even say it out loud”. But then he finished his thought, and you know what? It’s crazy. He looked at me and said “you should make 365 pairs of handknit socks.” My response was something incoherent and mumbly and then he said “come on it’s not like you weren’t going to do that anyway!” Ummmmm…………… (just for the record my husband is not a lunatic or an idiot. He sees me knit and knows how long it takes to make something. He wasn’t really serious, I think). (Ed. Note: I was. Totally serious. At her current rate of sock production It’ll probably take a couple of decades. I’ll wait. It’s probably going to be the best ‘I told you so I’ll ever get.)
But, that idea is in my head and as crazy as it is, I can’t get it out. Think of how darn pretty 365 pairs of socks would be. Just think about if for a minute. Now, assuming that you have no sock patterns is your collection already, Ravelry has 2,813 free knitted sock patterns at your fingertips which is way more than you need. So even if you eliminated all the socks you didn’t like, chances are that you would still have enough patterns to print off and make the 365 pair quota. And, you would never have to worry about your project being to big to take out of the house. (Unless you decide knit for an elephant in which case you’re on your own, and I pass the crazy torch over to you.) Socks can just be tossed in a purse or bag, and they are great on public transit and planes. You would never have to think about what to knit next, because socks!
But, I am the first to admit that there are a large number of logistical problem with this idea. I don’t have 365 skeins of sock yarn. Even if I started by counting 11 pairs of socks that I have made and kept (the other ones were gifts) that still leaves me needing to make 354 pairs of socks. I don’t have that many skeins of sock yarn either. I don’t have a way to store that many skeins of yarn. Furthermore, that many skeins of yarn won’t do me a lick of good if I am so weak from lack of food that I can’t lift a pair of needles. Also, I don’t wear socks 365 days of the year. I love to be barefoot. I am barefoot as often as possible. I walk barefoot on the beach, and sometimes down the side-walk. I even walked down a mountainside in the Taiwanese jungle barefoot. (I figured if the Monks could do it so could I, and since I didn’t realize that the day was going to include hiking I had very inappropriate footwear on. It was far more dangerous being in flipflops than barefoot. Just trust me on that one.) So that reduces the number from 365 to let’s say 200 at most. So assuming that I decided on 200 pairs of socks I would still have to contend with buying the yarn, storing the yarn and knitting the yarn.
Furthermore, unlike the lovely Yarn Harlot who can make a sock in a day, I don’t seem to have that gift. (I really need to figure out how she does that!) Even a very easy sock takes me about 6 days. So just to keep the math easy let’s round it up to two weeks/pair. Which equals two/month. Which equals 24/year. 365/15 = 15.8 years (Ed. again: Huh. I was over by half a decade. She has more done already than I thought. I can totally wait out fifteen years. OK, so 15.8 is more like 16. Still doable.) I would like to think that I would be much faster as time went on and maybe we could knock a whole year off. But, then you’d have to add at least a year back on to account for socks that wore out and were past the point of darning. There’s just no winning here.
So a year of socks? No. A month of socks? Yes. I would like to have a month’s worth of hand knit socks in my drawer at all times. There is one pair of my 11 that for multiple reasons would not be kept (that’s a whole other post) and one pair that has lost its mate. It’s been months and I still can’t give up on keeping the other sock in hopes that its rogue partner somehow reappears. So I have 9 pairs and I want 30. So 21 pairs more. Now that’s more doable.