The Posts That Should Have Been; or; The Ravages of Illness: There But For the Grace of Modern Medicine…

There were supposed to be blog posts in the last week or so.  There were supposed to be posts about amazing victories, and new projects, pages read, and wild dreamy knitting.  They were there, floating around in my head and oh so close to my fingertips.
Then, instead, my throat started tickling and I felt run down.  Shortly after that, my voice got super scratchy.  I began to wonder if I had developed a nocturnal glass eating habit, because it really was the only logical explanation for how crummy my throat was feeling.  Then I lost my voice altogether, and stayed at home for a day and napped.  And then napped some more.  And by the next day I was lulled into a magical dream world, where I was actually getting better instead of worse. I was getting my energy back and I downgraded my throat pain to merely having ingested powdered glass, say as an appetizer, as opposed to a main entrée of giant shards of plate glass misery.
And then it all went back to hell.  Or more accurately, I was invaded by a bacteria from the seventh circle of hell itself.  That obstreperous little bugger had the gall to settle right in and pipe up with “How you doin?” And when I didn’t immediately respond with “get out now”, it decided to take me back to hell with it and make me it’s bride.  That was at about 4 in the morning this past Saturday, when I woke up after not really having slept and realized that the entire right side of my body from the base of my neck to the my eyebrow  was lumpy and swollen.  I became intimately and simultaneously aware of every inch of my gums, my teeth, every sinus, and my inner ear.  I couldn’t see a damn thing because my right eye was swollen shut and I couldn’t turn my head because my shoulder had completely seized.  The only blessing was that I could barely open my mouth, which turned out to be a good thing as it was the only thing keeping my ridiculously swollen tongue in my mouth and not slopping about on my chin like a dog who’s just had a great run in the woods.  All I can say about my neck is I had no idea glands could get that big.  Oh, and I had a fever.  No idea how high it was, but having the cold sweats made the whole thing THAT MUCH BETTER!!!!!!
I started making a mental list of things that I was going to need to have my husband bring me when the doctor I was going to see would no doubt hospitalize me because I very quickly realized that this was the sickest I had ever been in my entire adult life (and I’ve had cholera)!!!!
At this point I have a pro tip for ya’ll. When you are this sick and you get someone to take you to the closest clinic, openly weep in the waiting room.  Literally sob like a child into the chest of the person beside you. If that’s the person who brought you, great!  If not, do it anyway!!  Make a new friend! The overall impact of this behaviour is that the staff get you into a see a doctor really quickly to keep you from upsetting the other waiting patients.  Keep right on sobbing when the doctor walks in and feel marginally vindicated when he looks at you and says “oh you poor thing.  I’m so sorry you had to wait at all”.  Another pro tip:  When your husband asks if you want him to come into the exam room with you, say no, because you’re a grown-ass woman and you don’t need help to go to the doctor.  Say this because it is what you would always say.  Say it even though you can barely speak, and even though you’re not really processing any information right now, like things that people (hypothetically doctors, even) are saying to you.  That way, later, you can look at the bottle of antibiotics and realize that you did, in fact, go to the doctor, and that whole thing wasn’t a multisensory hallucination brought on by sleep deprivation and pain.
The (completely real and in no way a hallucination) doctor really was fantastic and he did manage to convince me that I had neither meningitis or mumps but did confirm that I had strep everything north of the collarbones, and he was pretty sure a wicked sinus infection caused by the strep everything.  We had a very brief discussion about if I was actually going to be able to swallow penicillin or if I would need an IV.  (I’d like to point out that at this point I did not care how I got the drugs.  As long as I got them that was all that mattered.)  I also didn’t find out how high my fever was because all the doctor said was “well, that’s, um, high”.
In the end, I was sent home with my hubby and a rather large amount of penicillin.  (Ed note:  She’s not kidding.  She looked it up.  It’s about the maximum dose for a person of any size, and about the longest a person should stay on it.)  Shortly after that there was also ice cream and Popsicles and a new hot water bottle (to replace the one tragically lost in the great DPN Incident of two thousand fourteen), and Advil.  And by the second round of drugs there was enough of an improvement that I could actually sleep.  And around the third round of drugs we noticed that I had a black eye caused by my sinuses swelling up so badly.  But I was able to sleep, and eat very slowly.
Over that entire 7 days I knit one half heel flap.  That was it.  Now I’m four days into the wonder drug and things are so much better.  My black eye is almost gone, my sinus infection is clearing up, and tonight I was able to open my mouth wide enough to eat without dripping dinner down my chin.  And last night I finished the flap and turned the heel and started the foot of my sock.  And really, is there a better indication that a knitter is on the mend then when she actually starts knitting again?
So, now the plan is to catch up on my work and give a thought to those missing blog posts.  They are still there and they are itching to get out.

9 responses to “The Posts That Should Have Been; or; The Ravages of Illness: There But For the Grace of Modern Medicine…

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